The Apartment

There's a heavenly attic, there's an empty bed
Ghostly silhouettes swim though the holes we made in my head
There's a broken wine rack, and the rent is controlled
ancient family reminders cover holes in the wall

Under whelmed, undermined, and under thrown
we forget the things that we should know
We live together, but we live alone

In a one room apartment, with a view of the war
she covers the windows with the foil from the store
In a one room apartment on the second floor

Was it all strategy, when you were counting the dead
How does she hear the things that she hears from the things that I said
We twist and we struggle, for a moment of air
You kiss and you hit me and act like you don't care

Under whelmed, undermined, and under thrown
We forget the things that we should know
We live together, but we live alone
In a one room apartment, with a view of the war
she covers the window with the foil from the store
In a one room apartment on the second floor

Near the window in the garden, that's where you buried the keys
With my pictures of Elvis, they belong to me
How do you give yourself to someone and not give yourself away
You know you should leave, you know you should stay
I pay the rent, I pay the bills. If I had more money, you'd be loving me still

In a one room apartment, with a view of the war
she covers the window with foil from the store
The patient frustration of the daily chores
when the silence settles she'll scream for more
In a one room apartment, on the second floor

There's a heavenly addict, there's a county bed
Think about the things that I'm saying not the way they were said.

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Creep Inside

Your hair fell down it hides your eyes it blinded your sight, it blocked the sun
As if the moon has a choice where to shine its light
My hands always lose their place, they shade the shape of your pretty face
We drink the wine, we drink the blood, we drink before we shine
You don't think it's real, anything I feel
Creep inside

You couldn't live in used to be, so you hid yourself inside of me
The final sting of the simple truth, removed and redefined
Carefully we won't believe in the things that we would need
Insecure and depressed, relieved and still unkind

You don't think it's real, anything I feel
Creep inside

Concrete and water, razor wire and sand, if we choose another
I'd hate you for loving me and hate is all I understand
Creep inside

We used the map to find to find the place, it tells the truth of my ugly face
we crawled the mile, we paved the road, we think before it's time
my hands always lose their place they shade the shape of your pretty face
we drink the wine, we drink the blood, we drink before we shine

You don't think it's real, anything I feel. Creep inside, creep inside

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Mexicali Stars

I rode through Westmoreland, Cathedral City rain
I saw one thousand sinners trying to do the same
Riding in a train of sixteen cars
How many men before me ever got this far

Even though you fake it, even though you hate it
I guess you're gonna stay right where you are
Even though I've lived through the things that you will go through
You try to run away but there you are
Driving under Mexicali stars

Jesus in the asphalt, rises, burns and bends
I saw the true believers dying to repent
I've seen wiser men come to believe
In things that have no reason, in things they cannot see

Even though you fake it, even though you hate it
I guess you're gonna stay where you are
Even though I've lived through the things that you will go through
You'll try to run away from who you are
Driving under Mexicali stars

Miles of false horizon
Miles of sand and fog
Hell, it's hard to know for sure
Is it the kill or the cure

Even though you fake it, even though you hate it
I guess you're gonna stay where you are
Even though I've lived through, the things that you will go through
You'll want to run away but there you are
Driving under Mexicali stars
We're riding under Mexicali stars
Driving under Mexicali stars

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I Don't Mind If You're Cruel

The bed was on fire, the room was a mess
I hid the bottles; she'll clean up the rest
The more that you know, the less you will give

Harder than diamonds, softer than coal
spears of light fell through holes in my soul
The rust was golden, the middle did rot
When nothing is all that you got

I don't mind if you're cruel, I don't mind
I don't mind if you're cruel, I don't mind

Mind of abandon, irrelevant years
Everything gets thick, nothing gets clear
You watched my weakness, you came to assist
How does it get to this

I don't mind if you're cruel, I don't mind
I don't mind if you're cruel, I don't mind

When you go, I fall
When you stay, I crawl
When you breath, I breathe
When you stay

When you leave, I fall
When you stay, I crawl
When you bleed, I bleed
When you stay

I don't mind if you're cruel, I don't mind
I don't mind if you're cruel, I don't mind
I don't mind if you're cruel, I don't mind
When you rage, you change
When you stain, you blame
When you blame, you change
When you stay
If you stay

The bed was on fire the room was a mess
I hid the bottles, she cleaned up the rest

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Was It Something I Said

So bold and brave for an amateur, is there something that I should know
Not much to say or left to preserve, quick to judge but you move so slow

Was it something I said, was it something I did

Misunderstood, said the devil's friend
There were some things you gave away
You don't shade my hurt, you don't share my pain
Two of us in a well made bed

Was it something I said, was it something I did

So in between the beige and the white
Choices are changed, isolate then fight
Incite, split two walls ignite, to fight

Are you satisfied with living alone, sliding into the quiet years
I'm no longer falling at your feet, sliding into the great unknown

Was it something I said, was it something I did

Are you satisfied with dying alone, chasing after the finer years
I'm no longer falling at your feet, you went above and I stayed below.

Was it something I said
Was it something I did
Was it something I said
Was it something I did

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Two Conversations

A message wrapped in plastic, its contents unexplained
Black water circling the drain
Lies for my father, my forged report cards
There's a hole inside my brain

You had something for me to make life better
But I was doing something else

My brother gave you money, my sister gave a child
I gave you beautiful silence
Unaware and unemployed, I'll never be your goldenboy

You know I've changed religions, I'm praying to myself
Some things are better unanswered
Yet we'll meet for coffee, we'll argue over dinner
We're having two conversations

You have something for me to make life better
But I was thinking something else

My brother gave you money, my sister gave a child
I gave you beautiful silence
My brother cured your cancer, my sister eased your pain
I gave you beautiful anger
Unaware and unemployed, I'll never be your goldenboy

I'm outside up and upside in, I know you must be disappointed
So on the other side of joy, I'll never be your goldenboy

In a guesthouse there are boxes, placemats and place cards
So full of sober reminders
Three guitars and broken headphones, milk crates and rusted strings
Life couldn't get any better

My brother gave you money, my sister gave a child
I gave you beautiful sadness
My brother cured your cancer, my sister eased your pain
I gave you beautiful silence
My brother gave you money, my sister gave a child
I gave you beautiful distance
My brother cured your cancer, my sister eased your pain
I gave you beautiful anger
unaware and unemployed, I'll never be your goldenboy

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Fist Over Wrist

Her arrogant stomach, the bluest levis I'd ever seen
Loaded angel strangles her king
Glory and grace, seems to escape me

I want to be, what you are to me
I want you to say, things are okay
Fist over wrist, I'm moving in time
You fall when you climb

Long angry curls, heavied down by rusted roots
Dents in the gravel, holes where there once were boots
The rage in her eyes, from romance to radiate

I want to be, what you are to me
I want you to feel, how you used to feel
Fist over wrist, I'm falling in time
You crawl when you climb. You fall when you climb

A mouth full of pennies, living out loud
Landing in crashes, without a sound
Glory and grace seem to escape me

I want to be, what you are to me
I want you to say, things are okay
Fist over wrist, I'm stepping in time
You fall when you climb

I want to be, what you are to me
I want you to say things are OK
Fist over wrist, I'm moving in time
You fall when you climb

Inside my cathedral, I'm doing time
You fall when you climb
You fall when you climb

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Hollywood Cowboy

Cowboy in Hollywood, Hollywood crying, Hollywood lying, Hollywood doctor bills
Busting a bronc, in a Hollywood honky tonk, in the Hollywood Hills
With my new cowboy name, bandana in my pocket
I got botox to buy, crack to sell, maids to lay

I'm as good as dead, I'm as good as dead, I'm as good as dead
and dead is good as it can be
I'm as good as dead, I'm as good as dead, I'm as good as dead
and dead is good enough for me

Derivative, disposable, sister satan, sister plaster, sister suicide
Voices echo orange, echo nasty, echo hollow, high school talent show
With a fractured view of fame, golden swollen pockets
I got pills to buy, scripts to sell, wives to trade

I'm as good as dead, I'm as good as dead, I'm as good as dead
and dead is good enough for me
I'm as good as dead, I'm as good as dead, I'm as good as dead
and dead is good as it can be

Cowboy in Hollywood, Hollywood living, Hollywood dying, Hollywood carb control
Plastic angled creatures with melted molded features in Beverly Hills
With my new Range Rover and a Humvee for invasion
I got dough to blow, books to burn, space to waste

I'm as good as dead, I'm as good as dead, I'm as good as dead
and dead is good as it can be
I'm as good as dead, I'm as good as dead, I'm as good as dead
and dead is good enough for me
I'm as good as dead, I'm as good as dead, I'm as good as dead
and dead is good as it could be
I'm as good as dead, I'm as good as dead, I'm as good as dead
and dead is good enough for me

Cowboy in Hollywood, Hollywood living, Hollywood dying, Hollywood suicide
With my new Range Rover and a Humvee for invasion
I got pills to buy, crack to sell, wives to trade

I'm as good as dead, I'm as good as dead, I'm as good as dead
and dead is good enough for me
I'm as good as dead, I'm as good as dead, I'm as good as dead
and dead is good as it can be

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When I Was A Disease

I had a plan, a fist ready hand
An elegant foe, an arrogant friend
False rewards undeserved fame
we celebrate what we can't explain
If you're looking out, you're not looking in

This was my suicide, this was my Viet Nam
It was my holocaust; it was my Son of Sam
It was my sacrifice; it was my blood to bleed
When I was a disease

I had a gun, five chamber fun
A luxury cell in a detox hotel
Any pressure absent of glory
Distort the ending to grease the story
If you're looking out, you're not looking in

This was my film to snuff, this was my drowning pool
I learned how much to hate, when I was in school
It was my grenade; they were my wives to leave
When I was a disease

Doped down in doses, three strangled scars
The rhythm of rain pounded my car
The needle went in, again and again
It was pinching the skin, again and again and again and again

Sifted bones, through the remains
The coward spills and the hunter stains
When you hold up, you're holding it in

This was my suicide, it was my Viet Nam
It was my holocaust; it was my Son of Sam
It was my sacrifice; it was my blood to bleed
When I was a disease
There's a hole in my head, there's a gospel garage
There's a smell that you smell, in the moron's mirage
It hurt much too much, when it came time to leave
When I was a disease

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I Think Love

Every time that I see a pretty face
I lose my job, I lose my car, I lose my place

I think love, has passed me by
Broken my nose, blackened my eye
I think love, kissed me goodbye
Before I even had a chance to try

Every move that I make is a waste
Every kiss that I kiss, I can't taste

I think love, has passed me by,
Broken my nose, blackened my eye
I think love, kissed me goodbye
Before I even had a chance to try

The love I need is reticent and kind
The love you want is everything that's mine

I think love, has passed me by
Broken my nose, blackened my eye
I think love, kissed me goodbye
Before I even had a chance to try

Gag the judge, wound the groom, hide the bride
Bribe the lawyer, prep the room, choose your side

I think love, has passed me by
Broken my nose, blackened my eye
I think love kissed me goodbye
Before I even had a chance to try

I think love has passed me by
Broken my nose, blackened my eye
I think love, kissed me goodbye
Before I even had a chance to try
Before I even had a chance to try
Before I even had a chance to try.

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Live Through This

Purify, let the water wash my back
Rectify, my mind is ready for attack
Rest my hands, rest my tongue
I slept for days, I lost fifteen pounds
I tried again, hoping it would turn around
To my tiny way of thinking

Now I know, that it's not gonna let me go
What I felt is what I miss
My body burns, then it clenches like a fist
There's better days if I live though this

Then I'm high, mostly then I'm low
I'll make it hurt, halving everything that's whole
Bruised and battered, I'm wounded walking

Now I know, that it's not gonna let me go
What I felt is what I miss
My body burns, then it clenches like a fist
There's better days if I live though this

I looked for praise, I gained fifteen pounds
I looked again, hoping it would turn around
You settle in what you settle for

Now I know, that it's not gonna let me go
What I felt is what I miss
My body burns, then it clenches like a fist
There's better days if I live though this

Now I know, that it's not gonna let me go
What I felt is what I miss
My body burns, then it clenches like a fist
There's better days if I live though this
Better days, better days
There's better days if I live through this

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Unamerica Dream

I guess we should behead the queen
It's so hard to trust the suicide king
I'm sorry that I let you down

I think I'll try to live underground
Walking through this world is my trial
On the map of a martyr the world is equal to a mile

But the world hasn't changed just the people in it
It's not the truth we don't tell but the way that we spin it
I'm a liar, I'm corrupt beyond design
Full of excuses and full of mistakes
Our minds are dull and our bodies are fake
Surgery won't change a god damned thing

So we're living, the unamerica dream

I'm a pocketful of poverty
There's nothing left in the pocket for me
Outside, inside, I'm an ugly man
But for people like me love is never part of the plan

I'm all out of faith and I'm all out of hope
I've kicked out the chair for the hang of a rope
I'm a peasant, I'm a killer on a chain
The ones who don't hurt are the ones that don't care
When I ask for your help you just lay there and stare
All of your money won't change a god damned thing

Living, the unamerica dream

Business cards in your wallet, family pictures in your hall
Time clocks and daybooks, they confine you
It comes down to surrender, only broken parts remain
On a good day, we might just feel better

I don't want to miss a thing
I'm in every turn in a maze full of pain
I'm older now and finally understand
For people like me, luck is never part of the plan

Do you remember
the first time you kissed, the first time you touched
the first time you laughed the first time you loved
the first time that you felt you had a reason to live

The world hasn't changed, just the people in it
It's not the truth we don't tell but the way that we spin it
Your place in this world won't change a god damned thing
Unaware of restraint, obsessed with remorse
We disrespect love with marriage and divorce
Happiness won't change a god damned thing

I'm living, the unamerica dream.

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